I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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