You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
