Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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