I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you inspire me to be a worse person
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
