People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
