i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
