doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
