I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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