U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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