4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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