I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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