No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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