Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
