her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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