it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
