tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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