I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
