I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
