I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
