Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
