god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
