Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
