I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
