living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize