I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
