God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
