i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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