remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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