u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
