I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
