I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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