So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
