Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
