he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
