i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need moral support for this bender
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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