He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
