I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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