Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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