i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
