you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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