Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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