Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
