chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
