Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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