Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we have officially lost it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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