They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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