"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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