Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
