3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
