Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
