I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
