OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
