Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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