Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize