Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
