using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
