Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
