Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
