Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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