Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
