textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize