pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
