Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
