I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We got so high we made milksteak
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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