Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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