Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
