the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
