I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize