Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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