we're chasing vodka with high fives
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
